I think we were and we’re not…

Here’s my current theory. I tested positive (very Very VERY faint) Thurs AM – 5dp3dt. Then I went to work and got fired. I tested positive Friday 1 pm. (very Very VERY faint) I tested neg Saturday AM but (very Very VERY faint)positive 1pm Saturday. I tested in the PM with Clear Blue and seemed to get a faint + (the faint line was the same thickness as the cross line). I tested Sunday am neg on FRER, another faint positive on CLear Blue (HIGHLY SUSPECTED OF FALSE POSITIVES BY THE INTERNET) – and I nearly barfed at 5pm – the same time my morning sickness started in my first 2 pregnancies. I think we were pregnant, then I got fired and I lost it. Or we got pregnant with 2, I got fired and lost one and the other one has not given up the line yet. I have all the regular “Is it progesterone or is it pregnancy symptoms – sore bo.obs, meat smell aversion, insomnia, left side pulling and random cramping. I have to pee about twice as much. But I don’t have a damned line on the FRER. So although option 2 is possible. I think it was option 1.
And now that I don’t have a job to keep me occupied, I have nothing to do but fret about it.
I’m actually not even sad about the job. But if losing the job made me lose the pregnancy I’m PISSED.

Evap or line?

Peed. Clear blue. Faint plus about 7 min. Hub could see about 20 min. Now it’s fading away again.
Real or not?

It’s gone

The line is gone this morning.
I fear our journey is done.

More than none does not mean much

So there is still a “line” but it’s still a tiltinacertainlightdefinitelymorethannothingbutnotmuchmore kind of line. It’s a tease of a line. And amazingly, peeing on 3 sticks in one day proves that this whole thing is a slow process. This morning was less than the 1pm stick. but the 1pm and the 8 pm don’t show a huge difference. If it’s not more like a line tomorrow I will begin to lose hope.
Let’s all believe with all our mites that is not the case…

Squinting

If you are, squinting, and I mean, really squinting, the line from this morning – did I mention the line from this morning? It’s still there. It was gone last night but it’s there today.
Today was a crazy stressful day at work. Which made me so crazy because I am trying to keep it really un-stressful so despite peeing fifty thousand times since I left (for good, but that’s not a story for the internet) I did a stick and there’s still a faint line. Please, please don’t let the events of today fuck this up for me.
Let the line be darker tomorrow.

First one down…

Pee stick that is. I wanted to test to see if the trigger is out of my system so yesterday before I went to bed I tore open the first of what is likely to be many slender white sticks.
The trigger is still there as there was a very faint line. I assume if (who are we kidding? When…)I test tonight there will be nothing but tumbleweeds blowing through that half of the peestickwindow.

Yep. Nothing to do during this wait but hang around wait until my bladder is full enough to try again.
Ok – we’re not quite to that point yet. But I can’t say for sure that we won’t be there come Friday night.

The days slink by. I’ll check in tomorrow with the latest findings.

Back to the world

I head out of the bubble and back to the world tomorrow. This wait is already making me kind of crazy and I really hope that crazy doesn’t spill out all over the office all week long. All I can think about is how long until I can PEE ON THE DAMNED STICK. Time moves so slowly some days and like the wind other days. IVF days are like 10 regular days.
That means there are 50 regular days or 5 IVF days till P-Day.

I hope I make it.

Cross the fingers on both hands

We transferred 2 perfect 8-cell embryos. And now we wait. again. Seems there is ten times more waiting this time.

We’re still in the game. Might be time to let a little in.

Still truckin’

So those 2 little guys are still truckin’ along. Quality seems to be good – though they don’t seem to have an official ‘grade’ this early. They’re noted to be 1-2 grade (one being the best). We’ll know tomorrow once we arrive for the transfer if they’re still viable.
If anybody reading has any insight on day 3 vs day 5 transfer, I’d be interested to hear it.
Otherwise, I’ll report back tomorrow.

Would you Rather

My hub and I had a brief discussion yesterday when I was still quite high. A “would you rather” type of talk about a day 3 transfer vs a day 5. Would you rather get the call from the lab that they didn’t make it to day 5 to transfer or transfer day 3 and get a BFN 2 weeks later? Would you rather get a BFP and lose the baby like we did with Olive or not have any to transfer? Would you rather get lots of eggs, go confidently into transfer and find there was no good quality to transfer or only have a few and spend everyday stressing till the transfer only to find you had one that was pretty good? Would you rather have sex and make a baby or have sex until you’ve ruined sex with all the expectations that aren’t being met, not get a baby, refinance your house, only have a few eggs, worry yourself sick etc? In that one, I’d take option A. The rest? Well, is there a right answer?

One of the 3 eggs retrieved yesterday did not fertilize so we’re working with a team of 2. Just 2. We’re heading into a day 3 transfer as there’s no point waiting to see if they survive till day 5 when we’d be putting both back at that point anyway. So if they survive the night and the night after that, we’ll be back to the clinic at 8 am Friday morning.

Chance and Fin and Pip minus one.

Does luck even matter at this point?