All in one basket…

Phew. It’s been hurry up and wait around here.

Which gives me that feeling you get when you’re in a cab with one of those drivers who floors the gas then slams the breaks again and again.

We’re on the bcp and had our treatment plan appointment today…along with the pretty bad results of my amh test. I scored 8-which, on our clinic scale means low. I was told to expect 4 eggs for the cycle. 4 little eggs.

All the hope I have for a bubsib rests on what is predicted to be 4 sweet little eggies.
Sigh.

And, given the low number, I’m on a very long bcp suppression protocol. So about 10 more weeks of the pill.
Start. Stop. Go. Slow.

It feels like bad news. Like the hope…well, it doesn’t have a hope.

Setback, before I’ve even really started. Boo. I should have listened to all those who warn you not to put all your eggs in one basket.

13 Vials

Ok – so 13 vials of blood drawn, one discussion with RE, 2 prescriptions, 3 extra vitamin supplements, 1 sono booked, 1 follow-up booked and one day 3 ultrasound and blood draw booked…for tomorrow.

Looks like it’s go time…though with a long bcp leadup (and no lupron!).

We have till monday to decide if we’re in this quick or we need more time. I have to discuss with Husband but I suspect we’re in. I mean really – with 13 vials of blood missing it’s easy to get a little loopy.

We follow up in 2 weeks for the rest of the plan.

Lets hope this time 13 vials means 13 eggs. In 13 weeks. Give or take.

Back at it Blues

Well, tomorrow we have our first appointment since, well, our last appointment. I was so happy to be sprung from the RE – throwing off my infertility like a uniform I had to wear to a job I hated. One where I had to learn a complex new language and do unpleasant things and look for reasons to feel good about myself-cause I certainly wasn’t finding any in the ‘workplace’.

Tomorrow the uniform goes back on, the employee handbook comes back out so I can re-learn what I made myself try and forget and I become what I once was.

Hello my name is infertile. Again. Still?

Sigh.

 

Deja Vu

Despite being in a totally different headspace – I find I am having more ‘here we again’ feelings than I expected. And not in a good way.

Already the wondering, the if/if not planning, the justification if it doesn’t work, the hope. The Hope. The maybe I shouldn’t hope.

Themaybeweshouldn’tdoitandshouldjustbehappywithwhatwehaveandnotopenthatcanofwormsbecauseIthoughtI couldhandlethisbutmaybeIcan’t’s.

And we’re just going for consultation this week. Deep breath.

As I’m writing this, Bubble is hugging his stuffed cat and dancing in the living room to his music player. So then I think ‘how can we not?’. Just one try. Just one round. Just in case.

Just in case there’s another Bubble out there for us.

In case this really is Deja vu.