Tag Archives: Lupron

Even the nurse looked at me like I was crazy…

So Baseline today. As you can see from my previous post it’s so far so good. More gonal-F than was originally prescribed but it’s all systems go.

When we talked to the nurse today she was all smiles. Asked how it was going? Everything alright? Not so bad right?

So I started to tell her about the side effects. All the side effects. And she looked at me. And she looked at me. And she said can’t wait to see how low your estrogen is. We don’t normally have any trouble with Lupron… And I looked at her with some rather wet eyes and kind of whimpered.  She explained that they needed the number to be between 200 and 10. (Later I found out I clocked in at 56.) And then she said –  you’d better hope they figure out that menopause thing before you get there. And sent us on our way.

Now that’s comforting… now I have that to look forward to. ug.

My husband has a good feeling about this time. He hasn’t ever had that before. Or at least he hasn’t said it out loud. Maybe it’s time for good feelings.

I really want this to work. If I say it out loud – does that make it more or less likely? If I type it out loud, does that jinx it?

I have hope sneaking in. Wouldn’t it be nice if it just worked? That never happens to me. I’m better with small luck. I find money. I get the short line in the checkout. Great parking spots. But big luck? Not really my thing. And I could use some big luck right now.

Cause I think I’d really like this to work.

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Two Thumbs Update

Better post later but quick update. We have 10 resting follicles, 6 on one side, 4 on the other. Let the naming begin…

Our numbers are good – estrogen 56. LH 2 and progesterone 5.8. No idea what those numbers mean – need to have a follow-up with Dr. Google.

My Gonal F has been increased to 225 but Luveris remains at 75.

My evil twin – Lupronia should be gone once we start stimming on the 14th – the best Valentines Day gift my husband could ask for.

Ok – crazy lady has to get back to work.

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Is there precedent for the Lupron Defence?

First off, I’d really like to thank everyone for their kind words, well wishes and heart-felt support. I really does mean the world to me. And every time a comment arrives, it takes the curse off that hour and makes me feel better. I am very grateful.

Second – between 7 AM and 8:30 tomorrow I have my baseline ultrasound and the thumbs up or thumbs down to continue. I’m really pulling for two thumbs up because I’m not sure I can take another round of Fruit Loups.

Oh Wednesday, Wednesday – more than once today I thought it was already sweet Thursday – but alas – still two working days to go. To get through the Wednesday Drearies, and to mark my one week Lupronaversay I give you…

Ten things I’ve snapped at my Husband about…

(Or ten reasons why my husband won’t be buying pharmaceutical stock any time soon.)

1. What time he needs to drop me off at work… “How the F’ am I supposed to know when you need to drop me off so you can be on time?”

2. Why Idol isn’t recording on the PVR…”How the F am I supposed to know why it isn’t working. Maybe it’s broken”

3. Where are the car keys…”How the F am I supposed to know. Look where you left them”

4 Why we don’t go to bed earlier…”Why the F would I go to bed earlier when I can’t F’ing sleep.”

5. Where the leftover chicken is located in the fridge. “You put it back, how the F should I know where it is.”

6. If I want to finish my juice smoothie. “Why the F would I have offered it to you if I still wanted it?”

7. How I’m feeling…”Look at me, how the F do you think I’m feeling.”

8. Am I ready for work…”I’m standing here in my coat at 8 am, what the F do you think I’m ready for?”

9. What’s the matter?…”I’m thirsty, I’m fattening like a piggy in spring, I can’t sleep, I want to rip everyone’s throat out and I have cramps. Where do you F’ing want me to start with what’s the matter?”

10. (and my personal favourite repeated every day at 6:30 PM) How was that one? …”I just jammed a(nother) F’ing needle in my gut! How the F do you think it was?

Maybe if we finally get our BFP we can name the baby Loupy Von F Bomb. Or Getoutofmy Way.

I’ll report back on the baseline once I hear.

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PMMS – pre (menstral/menopausal) syndrome

Right. Forgot. You still get your period on Lupron. Like I’m not crazy enough…

I have this completely irrational fear that I’m going to go to the clinic on Thursday morning to have my ultrasound only to find that my cycle had been cancelled and all this loop-de-lupron will be for nothing.

It’s pretty shameful that I’m not even worried about whether or not we’ll get our BFP because I’m too worried we won’t even get a shot at finishing the cycle.

This whole thing sure does a number on you.

I remember ‘trying’ like it was this carefree, slightly naughty thing we did without telling anyone. It was way too soon in our relationship to have thrown caution to the wind. And when I looked at those early HPTs I really expected to see two lines. I’d shake them like a polaroid picture thinking the second line was just taking it’s time to ‘develop’. And then, oh well, next month. Hee hee – back to the secret naughty.

Somewhere along the line, after the opk’s, the preliminary appointments, the perfectly timed ‘romantic weekends’, the ‘just relaxing’ turned into relax my ass. I am broken. I am a broken woman. (Currently a quite bloated – rather moody, glassy-eyed maniac broken woman). WTF?

Now I’m a whiney blogger too.

ARRGHH! I miss the secret naughty.

I wonder if the people who got pregnant right away are secretly jealous of the injections? No?

The only thing that keeps me hopeful that the baseline will go okay is if the cycle goes away then I never get to make the jump from one needle a day to three. And I’m pretty sure there’s no way the universe would let me miss out on that!

2 sleeps to baseline! then 2 weeks (give or take) till ER.

Please let this work. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of hormoaning. I’m tired of being the one in the room everyone has to change the subject around. I’m tired of Lupron induced insomnia.

Beh. I’m tired.

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Things I hope I remember if I ever have a baby…

The temperature is warming up. And I forgot that warmer weather means the return of life to my neighbourhood. This includes the baby brigade. We live in a pretty yuppie neighbourhood – great if you have a baby. Not so great if you want one and can’t seem to have one. Of course, when we moved here, we figured we’d fit right in in no time. Apparently not. I had conveniently forgotten  – over the long very cold winter – about the babyrotti that roam the streets in the hood.

Long story short – they’re out in full force. Now those with bumps last year are pushing strollers and a bumper crop of new expectants are strolling around flaunting their fertile selves.

Apparently I have grown colder as time wears on – or this Lupron is turning me into a mega-bit.ch because these were my observations today. Don’t hate me because I’m miserable.

1. We’re in a Sta.rbu.cks so the drink everyone is holding is very hot. Maybe a toddler shouldn’t be dancing right now.

2. Maybe people under 3 feet shouldn’t be crossing behind a car with reverse lights on when mom and dad are trying to get child 2 out of the car.

3. It is cute when children stand in the middle of the sidewalk. It’s not cute when 2 parents with giant empty stoller stand in the middle of the side walk to reflect on the cuteness.

4. Strangers don’t always love to see your kids try and try to open a door by themselves when they are all lined up to exit said door.

5. Fertile people don’t rule the freakin’ world.

Ok, there, I said it.

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Hot Flashes and facial rashes…

I may be making this up – but after only 2 lupron shots I seemed to have experienced my first hot flash and have this itchy red rash on my face that makes me look like I made out all night with a lumberjack.

Nice.

I wonder what else is in store for me? All this time I was waiting to get started, I never took much time to consider what the drugs were going to do to me.

Sure I ready about other experiences but, I don’t know, just didn’t really give it much thought.

But yesterday when I sat down with all the literature from the pharmacy and looked at all the possible side effects – holy crap – these drugs can really do a number on you! Now this face thing isn’t pretty, but I don’t think it’s serious.

Some of the other things listed are cause for concern. I find it strange that I always say we. We’ll be doing this, we’ll be taking that, our appointment is this day. But right now, when I look in the mirror – it’s just my itchy red face I see.

The dudes really get off easy here. And that annoys me. Probably because I’m all amped up on menopause and have an itchy face.

It’s gonna be a long month…

This is kind of lame post. (I think part of me suffers from ‘inject me today – hand me a baby tomorrow’ syndrome. It’s like I waited and waited to start, and now that the shine has gone off the syringe, I have realized I just have more damned waiting to do. Waiting to see if we get the green light on the 12th. Waiting to see if the stims work. Waiting to see how the ER goes – how many eggs? Did they fertilize? Will they make it? Will we transfer? Any to freeze? Will they implant – wait, wait, wait. scratch, scratch, scratch.)

I take it back. This rash may seriously make me scratch my face off.

I’ll be more chipper and more interesting or at least more funny tomorrow. Yes. Funny Friday!

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You always remember your first time…

Ah, remember when making a baby involved a different kind of poking?

Today was our first injection. After bringing home a load of drugs impressive enough to have all three pharmacists at my local drug store abandon what they were up to and come to the counter to wave and shout good luck, I proceeded to mentally prepare myself for the first jab.

Any Lord of the Ring fans out there? No – ok then I’ll try and re-frame the reference. It might seem like just one needle. But you step out your door on this adventure. And you only plan on going to the end of the drive, or the end of the street. Then you find you’ve travelled twice as far as you ever thought you’d have to. And certainly twice as far as you ever thought you could.

And at that moment you realize you just have to keep walking. Because your task, your journey. It just isn’t finished yet.

So today – as I was thinking about my first needle I realized that I may be on my first injection but I’m already so far  in that it feels more like the start of a new chapter in a book that’s hopefully 3/4 through than a whole new story. Which brought me great comfort. I sometimes think it’s never going to work, but that I have to try everything so that when I give up I can do so without regret.

But today it felt like maybe having a baby was possible. And that needle delivered a shot that was 1 part Lupron and 2 parts hope.

Almost as much as there was the first time my husband and I ‘had the talk’ and decided we’d try in earnest to have a baby. All that time ago. The feeling of trust and love and commitment that I took from that day and the days that followed, through one No after another didn’t fade. Just got a little lost in the shuffle.

But tonight as he was holding the sharp container and I was fighting with air bubbles and alcohol swaps it swept over me all over again. It felt so right – the two of us trying to have a baby. And I was nearly overcome. Just like the first time.

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