Three is not a crowd. But it will have to do.

Here we are again. At the brink. Just got the call saying we will trigger tonight. There are 3 eggs that look good and we’re not going to take any chances of losing those. We’re a day earlier than planned and 2 days earlier than previous cycles.
I’m having a really hard time mustering up any joy for the upcoming retrieval. And I don’t believe in my heart of hearts there will be a transfer.
I haven’t been here before. I’ve been nervous. Cautiously optimistic. Hopeful?
Now I feel like I’m just finishing something because I started it. Can’t leave a book half read or a bed half made.
I’m chest crushingly sad that things aren’t looking better and that I can’t seem to find the bright side.
I realize it only takes one. And three is 2 more than that.
I know it. I just don’t feel it.

Go for Launch

We triggered! Despite threats of cancellation at every turn, we’ve made it past the first of many checkpoints.

I have to say that focusing on one challenge at a time has seriously helped me not turn into a major basketcase. It’s minor basketcase every day around here but have so far not suffered any serious breakdowns – (ok except for sunday’s mid-range melt down) – (oh, and  the day I sat on the kitchen floor and cried with all three injection sites bleeding profusely and me choking out that I was giving up). Other than those isolated incidents we’ve made it to this point relatively intact.

We have 11 beautiful follicles (named at various times…wiggle, piggle, giggle, jiggle and tig. hope, joy, faith and grace. diabollicle and folly- wollicle)  and – likely to produce about 8 mature eggs. Not too many. Not too few. Just right. And I know there may not be any eggs in there at all. And I know that just because we have eggs doesn’t mean they’ll fertilize. And they may not make it to blast and even if they do, they may not implant. And then there’s all the worry if they do – 9 months is a long time during which countless things can go wrong…

There are still a hundred hurdles between here and our end goal. But I’m pretty proud of husband and I for making it this far. This process is not for the faint of heart. I’m proud of all of you people too. There are so many courageous stories from people who’ve suffered disappointment after disappointment, and devastating loss and still dig deep inside to go through this gruelling process to make their dreams come true.

For everyone who’s in the trenches with me right now, I sure hope this is the month. I wish there was a tree or a fountain or something – a place where you could write your name so everyone passing by could take a moment give a little shout out to the universe to pay extra attention – just a smidge – because I believe a world filled with the people we’re all working so hard to create will be a better place with them in it. With so much love and care involved in their conception (from the parents to the clinics/techs/ docs/nurses/supportive friends/relatives/internets) how can it not be?