Monthly Archives: September 2009

Loch Ness

Bubble was quite late in the noticeable movement department. But now that he’s rolling around like a bowling ball in there I feel the need to make a record of one move in particular.

Sometimes if your hand is on bubblesbump you’ll feel what is most accurately described as a sea monster swimming past. It’s not a kick or a punch. More like what you imagine Luke felt on his leg in the trash compactor. It’s weird. It’s neat. It’s vaguely disturbing and I can’t get enough of it.

I call it Nessing – like the Loch Ness monster is on the move. There’s nothing. Nothing. Then suddenly he Nesses. Then…nothing.

I have a feeling the Nessing is a sign that he’ still transverse. Doc should be able to tell more on Friday at 33 week appointment. I am so excited that there are only 7 weeks (give or take) till the Bubble comes into the world.

But am already acutely aware that after that day I’ll never feel Nessing again. And at the same time so so so grateful I’ve been given the opportunity to be Nessed at all.

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My Thirties

This week marks the entry into my thirties. Not in age – sadly crossed that bridge long ago. The thirties in my pregnancy. It’s amazing to me that 30 weeks of this have passed already.

When I think back to months and months of BFN’s, far more than 30 weeks came and went – each one just as carefully counted. Waiting to ovulate. Waiting to see if it worked. Waiting for the sick feeling to pass after another round of one line sticks. Waiting to try again.

I believe you can easily count up the number of days and weeks of pregnancy. But for those who take longer than the ‘average 6 months’ the days and weeks and months of ‘waiting to have a baby’ far, far exceed the 40 weeks that the outside world can see.

In fact – the Bub is set arrive 3 years to the day of the first of the BFN’s.

We were only 2 and some years in the IF trenches – with 3 failed and 1 cancelled iui and then only 1 IVF.

When you’re still ‘trying’ and not considering yourself IF it seems like a long time. But once you cross into the category of infertile, I feel so, so blessed. I read so many blogs of brave women fighting to break past IF and sometimes feel like we had it pretty easy. Sort of makes it hard to keep posting here when I see so many who should have been in the thirties right along with me still fighting the fight.

When I think that Bubble will be here in 9.5 weeks (give or take) why, that’s less than the number of weeks from my go-ahead consult with my RE to the start of stims – and I couldn’t believe how fast that flew by.

My thirties. Remarkably good chance that there will be a baby here soon. A healthy one. (Fingers crossed) One that will do what babies do. One that won’t have any idea that we carried him for 40 weeks, but waited for him for three years – counting it out one week at a time.

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