Tag Archives: the pill

Good Riddance

Dear Pill,

It’s over. I knew when we got back together that is wasn’t what I really wanted but you know, how sometimes, you just go along with things? Well, I did what was right for me at the time, and now, we’re through.

When we first got together all those years ago, I fell in love with you. You were part of my coming of age story, you brought freedom and joy and I’ll always remember you for that.

After those first years we were a little hot and cold. The things that made you bad for me became more apparent. You made me feel bad. Made me moody and weepy and blue. We parted ways.

And then, we tried again for a while after I was first diagnosed with endo. But my heart just wasn’t in it any more. You brought more bad than good and we said good bye again.

Sometimes I wish we’d stayed that way, but we didn’t. We’d try and things wouldn’t work out. But I never gave up the hope that we’d make it through.

We’d had a good clean break for quite some time. And I can say with all honesty that I thought we were done. Until fate, and big fat cysts brought us together again.

I would have dropped you months ago – loved you and left you after the cysts were cleared  but fate had other plans for us. Schedules. The holidays. Timing

After today, we won’t be together anymore. And I hope you don’t take it the wrong way when I say I really hope I never have to see you again. I know it’s a cliche but it’s not you, it’s me. You give millions of people exactly what they need. Really, It’s not that you’re bad, Pill. It’s just that you’re bad for me. You’re standing between me and the life that I want. As long as you’re here with me, that life can never be.

So good -bye and good riddance. Today is the end of my life with you. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my life. If you every loved me Pill, even a little, you’ll go away now and never, never look back.


Filed under endo, infertility, ivf

Put your glad rags on…

Five reasons why I’m glad I went out tonight in costume (I was dressed up like a regular -you know- fertile person)

1. the new dress I bought today for the occasion of my best friends birthday made me feel like a million bucks – nothing like the dresses I bought 2 years ago thinking ‘should I even buy this? I mean, I could be pregnant any time and it may never fit me again’. This one may be a one hit wonder – but I bought it special. I wore it special. And you know what? I felt special.

2. I didn’t say no thank you – I can’t drink that, or evade or make excuses. I HAD MORE THAN ONE GLASS OF WINE! Hell, I only had one on my own birthday. I had water. I didn’t go nuts. I didn’t make an ass of myself. I’m not planning to do it again any time soon, I had a normal social party amount of booze and I’m pretty sure nothing bad will happen to me – except maybe a headache tomorrow.

3. I had a date with my husband that had nothing to do with ‘US’ and it was nice. It was fun. I like him. I’m glad he’s my person. Sometimes in the middle of schedules and timing and appointments and all, that gets a little lost in the shuffle.

4. I laughed out loud and liked the sound.

5.  My ‘on the pill’ boobs are awesome and it’s been awhile since they got all tarted up and taken out for a night on the town.

All in all – highly recommended

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Filed under infertility, ivf

Birth Control Freak

One of the counter-productive truths of trying to conceive is that you find yourself on the birth control pill shortly before an IVF cycle. Now it’s been a few months for us – too many if you ask me. But this is the second month on this new (to me) brand. And, it’s taken me a week or so to realize that I’ve pretty much gone off the deep end. And I think it’s all the pill’s fault.

I am freaking out at work, crying over cute doggies, panting at my desk – feeling like I’ve had 5 cans of diet Co.k.e. I’m all fracked up and I am fully and completely blaming the pill.

I am supposed to be cutting down on the stress – and even the thought that my stress is too stressful is stressing me out.

I am a freak.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better

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Filed under conceive, endo, infertility