From hope to here

I was pretty hopefully yesterday, but today’s results make me question why we try to do things that are extraordinary at all. It seems like the easy way out – to say “I guess it’s just not meant to be for instance” – would somehow save me from days like today. At least in the short term.
All that excitement about 11 resting follicles has been replaced with the sad reality that those little guys are not and likely won’t translate into a high number of mature follicles. In fact, as an expectation check, when the clinic called with today’s numbers we discussed the reality of 4 mature follicles on transfer day. Just 4. How many eggs will be tucked inside remains to be seen. 4 for 4? Not likely. So 3, 2, 1? Then will they fertilize? Will they survive? Implant?
I know it only takes one. I remind people it only takes one. But I’ve just now realized what it means to go from Hope to here. Here is where you come to terms with the idea that there may only be one egg in the basket. Where you realize that this is the last chance and it’s not looking that good. Here is where hope was before it moved on to somewhere else.
The end of the line is visible from here.
I’d never really seen it before.
But here it is.

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1 Comment

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One response to “From hope to here

  1. Eva

    I keep coming up with allegedly encouraging things to say (those 4 must be really STRONG!). But really what I’ll say instead is that I hope that one of these eggs is destined to be THE ONE, that I feel for you and how stressful it must be right now, and that I will be thinking of you.

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