the new normal

Things are getting back to the way they were before.
Well mostly – except for that whole ‘did ivf and got pregnant and got excited and went to the doctor and saw the baby and went back and saw the heartbeat and went back and learned the baby was gone and then had to learn how to go on as though none of it had happened’ thing.
I liked the old normal so much more. I try sometimes, when my eyes are closed, to find my way back there.
But it’s only for a minute or two. It’s too hard to stay there, knowing what I know.
It’s too hard to live and breathe the hope – if only for a minute.
I’m not ready to cherish it yet.
I need more time to soak up the pain. To really feel how this feels. To live in the limbo between where I was and where I will be someday.
I guess that’s what grieving is.
Living in the cloudy space between before and after.
I guess it’s now.


1 Comment

Filed under ivf

One response to “the new normal

  1. The Barreness

    I’d not visited your blog in a while and am devastated to hear your news – I hope you’re doing OK.

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