Bracing myself…

For Monday. You see I was away for a weeks holiday. We returned and had our ultrasound scheduled for 9:30 am the Monday we returned.

That’s where we learned that Olive was not to be. I’ve been home all week since.

This a situation not unlike what happened when my father died. August, 11 years ago, I went on summer holiday to visit my family. Or at least I had booked summer holiday. I had to leave a few days early when I got word my father was desperately ill.
And then he took a turn for the worse. And then he died. On my summer vacation.
I took an extra week off then returned to work after 2 weeks and 2 days away.
Of course, everyone but my boss thought I was on holiday. What fun! A holiday! “You’re back!”, “How was your trip?”, “Where did you go?”, “Did you have a great holiday?” Streaming into my office all day long, happy people wanting to hear happy things about my holiday. A nightmare.

Monday, the same thing will happen. The nightmare all over again. What fun! A holiday! “You’re back!”, “How was your trip?”, “Where did you go?”, “Did you have a great holiday?”
What do you say? “Yes, great holiday indeed – until I found out the baby you didn’t even know about died and I had to hear the news, have a breakdown at my RE’s office, meet a nurse who strongly suggests I have a natural miscarriage, choose to have a d&c, turn up for surgery and be asked if I was here for an abortion* then have a breakdown all over again, go through the unpleasantness of the surgery AND come to terms with the idea that sweet Olive will never see this world. Yes Olive, that’s what we named the baby that we didn’t have that you didn’t know about.”

I’m going to buy a new outfit. Maybe I can just say – “I got new shoes/jean/jacket/shirt. What do you think?” Maybe if I buy something ugly they won’t know what to say and move along.

That or I could make a shirt that says “I had a miscarriage on my vacation and all I got was a lousy d&c. And this t-shirt.” Pretty sure that would make them move along.

Blech. Bracing myself for a very long, very bad day. Though I suppose it won’t hold a candle to last Monday. Must put very large box of kle.enex on the shopping list.

*not that there’s anything wrong with that – I believe every woman has a right to choose, despite it not being my personal choice – especially at this time.


1 Comment

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One response to “Bracing myself…

  1. I’ve been on vacation myself and am just catching up on blog news. I’m so very, very sorry about Olive. Much peace to you in these days. Especially as you go back to work.

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