My Thirties

This week marks the entry into my thirties. Not in age – sadly crossed that bridge long ago. The thirties in my pregnancy. It’s amazing to me that 30 weeks of this have passed already.

When I think back to months and months of BFN’s, far more than 30 weeks came and went – each one just as carefully counted. Waiting to ovulate. Waiting to see if it worked. Waiting for the sick feeling to pass after another round of one line sticks. Waiting to try again.

I believe you can easily count up the number of days and weeks of pregnancy. But for those who take longer than the ‘average 6 months’ the days and weeks and months of ‘waiting to have a baby’ far, far exceed the 40 weeks that the outside world can see.

In fact – the Bub is set arrive 3 years to the day of the first of the BFN’s.

We were only 2 and some years in the IF trenches – with 3 failed and 1 cancelled iui and then only 1 IVF.

When you’re still ‘trying’ and not considering yourself IF it seems like a long time. But once you cross into the category of infertile, I feel so, so blessed. I read so many blogs of brave women fighting to break past IF and sometimes feel like we had it pretty easy. Sort of makes it hard to keep posting here when I see so many who should have been in the thirties right along with me still fighting the fight.

When I think that Bubble will be here in 9.5 weeks (give or take) why, that’s less than the number of weeks from my go-ahead consult with my RE to the start of stims – and I couldn’t believe how fast that flew by.

My thirties. Remarkably good chance that there will be a baby here soon. A healthy one. (Fingers crossed) One that will do what babies do. One that won’t have any idea that we carried him for 40 weeks, but waited for him for three years – counting it out one week at a time.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “My Thirties

  1. Oh the thirties are a marvelous place to be! So very happy you’ve arrived here, and cannot believe Bubble will be here SO very soon.

    Hoping the next ten FLY by as you await the birth of your perfect baby.

  2. We waited 5 years – 6 IVF cycles + 3 DE cycles. Some IUI’s and stuff too but too long ago to remember how many. But it is not a competition for who suffered the most or the longest. Really in the end (I think) there is only one thing that matters. Did it work or did it not work? Is it a Hollywood happy ending movie or is it a French design noir film? The hard thing for those stuck in the trenches is… you don’t know. After the fact it is easy to say “it was worth it.” At the time you don’t know if it will or won’t be. You really don’t know. That’s what is most heart-breaking, or was for me.

  3. Congratulations on your thirties! Wow, you are getting close now. I know how you feel, sometimes people exclaim that time is passing so fast, but I feel like it’s been much, much longer. Not even counting the previous four years, just the IVF cycle leading up to the pregnancy make it feel like a few extra weeks/months. I’m so happy for you that you’re getting close!

  4. I am so glad you are here,
    here in your “thirties”
    gloriously pregnant.
    I am so happy for you, and I swear, I am pretty sure that no matter what happens for each of us on this journey, it takes forever in some ways, a blink in others, and feels astonishing most of the time both in the initial struggle, and then finally, if we’re lucky, in success.

    I am so glad to have been able to be able to ride along with you for this latest chapter, this wondrous success. Thinking of you,
    warmly,
    Kate

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