Holding It

Waiting to pee for 9 or 10 days isn’t a pleasant experience. And wondering if every tickle in your tummy, every twinge, every gas bubble has deeper meaning is enough to drive you crazy. And I think it just might.

You’ve got to wonder why I’m not used to waiting by now. I mean we’ve been waiting for the stork for 2 and a half years. Waiting for medical help for 1.5 of those, waiting for IVF for 3 months before starting, waiting for the suppression to end, the stims to end – the trigger, the ER, the ET, the call about the remaining morulas. Sheesh. It’s like waiting has become the number one hobby around here.

The thing is, that pesky Doc kept talking about “grade one” this and “perfect” that. And gosh darn it, he looked hopeful. Now that hope was as much that we’d help his positive stats as it was for getting us a baby I’m sure. But hey – I can live with that. I like to be good at my job too – and if other people benefit too, well winners all around.

It’s the old ‘H’ word. The word that must not be spoken -(hope)- and it’s hanging around just close enough that I can feel it. And it makes the days pass so very slowly. But at night? When it’s quiet? And I can feel every bubble and gurgle and pop?  Then – that (hope). That’s when I’m holding it close.

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5 Comments

Filed under ivf

5 responses to “Holding It

  1. So glad to hear things went well and “h” isn’t a bad thing…someone once told me “there will be plenty to time to be unhopeful and cry if things don’t work out, in the meantime, try to enjoy it.” Or something like that.

  2. Ahh, the joys of the 2 week wait. During one of my myriad of 2WW’s I was reading an article about early pregnancy symptoms. Unlike most that say there are few if any before the first month or so, this one said that if you’re particularly attuned to your body, you might notice a few random symptoms. (I won’t list them here, because truth be told, the accuracy factor of the article was barely one step up from Yahoo Answers.) I remember thinking when I read that…sister, there aint no one as attuned to their body than a post ART gal!

    Good luck hanging in there during the wait, and I say let “h” do her thing.

  3. The 2ww is so incredibly torturous.
    I can add that being newly pregnant, I am still aware of every burble and vary between worry and relief on a minute-by-minute basis. Ugh.

    Hope is scary, wonderful. It is not an easy emotion.

  4. sprogblogger

    I’ve never gotten used to the wait either. Hang in there, and keep hoping. It beats the alternatives every which way!

  5. The wait for this pee is def the worse. I know what you mean about over analysing every bubble and twinge. You need a mini project to keep your mind off this horrible wait. Will be thinking of you.

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