Waiting to pee for 9 or 10 days isn’t a pleasant experience. And wondering if every tickle in your tummy, every twinge, every gas bubble has deeper meaning is enough to drive you crazy. And I think it just might.
You’ve got to wonder why I’m not used to waiting by now. I mean we’ve been waiting for the stork for 2 and a half years. Waiting for medical help for 1.5 of those, waiting for IVF for 3 months before starting, waiting for the suppression to end, the stims to end – the trigger, the ER, the ET, the call about the remaining morulas. Sheesh. It’s like waiting has become the number one hobby around here.
The thing is, that pesky Doc kept talking about “grade one” this and “perfect” that. And gosh darn it, he looked hopeful. Now that hope was as much that we’d help his positive stats as it was for getting us a baby I’m sure. But hey – I can live with that. I like to be good at my job too – and if other people benefit too, well winners all around.
It’s the old ‘H’ word. The word that must not be spoken -(hope)- and it’s hanging around just close enough that I can feel it. And it makes the days pass so very slowly. But at night? When it’s quiet? And I can feel every bubble and gurgle and pop? Then – that (hope). That’s when I’m holding it close.