I have to say that when I decided the No-Baby Shower was a good idea I was a long way from where I am today. I was strung out on Lupron – had the threat of cancel at every turn and needed something to look forward to that wasn’t going to suddenly go away.
Then in the blink of an eye I found myself post ER with sweet little embies tucked away in the lab and my need to mark the occasion changed. Changed – but didn’t go away.
My camera got lost in the ‘mom’s coming over oh shit we’d better clean up around here scramble’ but I can describe my first official “NBS”.
I bought myself a gift on the interwebs and it arrived Friday afternoon while I was still floating on a sea of valium/morphine. New Rubber boots. Here, let me see if I can find a photo online.
They’re super swell. Then I made chocolate cupcakes with mint icing for party food. I listened to Ingrid Michaelson as I savoured my cupcake and I had an inch (I swear, just an inch) of Cline – Zinfandel. I really miss wine.
And all the while I was supposed to be thinking about me and how it’s ok that we haven’t added to our family yet and that doesn’t make me any less deserving of some pampering – I couldn’t keep my mind off our little embies.
(Which doesn’t bode well for all the swearing up and down that if I had a baby I would be able to maintain a conversation about something not related to said child)
So here’s the report: Of the 6 we had yesterday – all 6 are still growing strong. All are grade 1 or 2 on a 1-5 scale with 1 being best. 5 are 3-4 cells which is right where they should be and the 6th is a bit ahead.
As my friend Janice said this morning… (she’s my buddy at the clinic who’s ER and ET are the same days as mine and is the exact mirror of my cycle including estrogen levels as we stimmed, number of follicles retrieved and fertilized and number still going strong today) I am more pregnant than I have ever been to my knowledge.
I am the mother of 24 cells – give or take. So I had a second cupcake to celebrate the majesty that will be returned to my care on Wednesday. I know there’s still a very long road. They may not make it through. But I feel so incredibly blessed to feel this joy.
A fab pair of boots. And 6 little fighters. I didn’t get one gift today. I got seven. Eight if you count the hope I thought had abandoned me.