Family Planning IF Style

Trying to make plans for the coming months is proving to be a difficult, teary undertaking.

I try, in my head, to call husband and I a family instead of couple. Hence the ‘family planning’. But I have to say that in my heart of hearts, we’re a couple. A pair. A twosome. And this family/twosome needs to look at life beyond the next injection/ultrasound/ER and make some plans.

We’re talking about Italy at the end of June to coincide with a conference for husband. But I can’t seem to pull the trigger on the tickets. What if we’re pregnant? Or not? Oh- what if we’re cancelled and then try again and then get pregnant but are in the first trimester. Or we do another and it doesn’t work.

We could go see family in March or we could not. I mean, you never know right?

And don’t even get me started about tryng to make plans for the nest week. Well, we’ll be there unless, you know, we’re not….


I made a new year’s resolution to no longer be defined by my infertility but it seems to be more the defining factor as opposed to less. I feel like one of those women who can only talk about Baby, except all I can seem to talk about is No-baby. Which I think, for the record, is kind of creeping people out.

I’m the scary no-baby-lady. And I have no vacation plans because my no-baby is getting in the way. And I can’t go out on Satuday because my no-baby doesn’t like me talking to anyone else. And just try finding a no-baby-sitter on short notice? No chance. I’m the only one who can take  care of my no-baby, and let me tell you – no-baby is really really needy.

If I had known that having no-baby was going to be this emotionally draining I would have relaxed just like everyone keeps telling me. I would have had me some sex with my husband – maybe on a weekend out of town – to get away from it all. I would have stopped putting so much pressure on myself and just had an actual baby.


Seems no matter what people tell you, you’re never really prepared for no-baby. Your whole life changes and nothing is ever the same once no-baby comes along.



Filed under ivf

7 responses to “Family Planning IF Style

  1. wow, you are so right. no-baby does do all of that!

  2. Cheryl

    Tt is amazing how different it would be if we simply had chosen to be a “couple” not “trying to be a family”.

    But, the choice was made for us, we end up in the world of “no-baby”.

    I hear you, and live it with you.

  3. Token

    It’s annoying, but I look at it as a win/win situation.

    You book the tickets, you pay for them, (they are non-refundable of course) but you get pregnant. Brilliant! You can’t go!

    Then the other side – you don’t get pregnant, but hey, Italy! Fabulous, wonderful, wonderful place.

    It’s happened to me. We booked a trip to Thailand in January – first class no less, and absolutely not refundable because it was on points – I thought for sure it would jinx me into getting pregnant and we would have to forfeit the tickets, but no such luck. We had a great holiday though.

    Just do it.

    I have made a vow not to live my life by by infertility, and this week have started looking around for a new job. In in the past, I didn’t want to look, because what I had to tell them I was PG after only a couple of months there, but I just need to get on with my life.

  4. You crack me up, but at the same time I think you totally hit the nail on the head. You are so right! I’ve been making plans, but my calendar, instead of being broken into months, is in “predicted cycles.” I don’t schedule anything for days 14 through 30 because I might ovulate, and then there’s the TWW… More than half my life has been off the books for so long, it seemed kinda normal until you wrote about no-baby. I’ve got one too! And it’s taken over my life!

  5. Yeah, my no-baby is a real pain in the a*s sometimes! I even have to turn down potential jobs/clients because my no-baby might need my help down the road. Or, my no-baby might just be teasing me and I should have made good money instead of turning down the business.

    Maybe we’ll find that babies are easier than no-babies!!

  6. this is an absolutely brilliant post. Seriously. i would nominate it for something grand, a trip to hawaii, a big statue–
    I have no advice, but wanted to say how great I think this post is. truly. thank you.

  7. Pingback: It’s a No-Baby Shower and you’re invited! « In Vitro Veritas Blog

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