PMMS – pre (menstral/menopausal) syndrome

Right. Forgot. You still get your period on Lupron. Like I’m not crazy enough…

I have this completely irrational fear that I’m going to go to the clinic on Thursday morning to have my ultrasound only to find that my cycle had been cancelled and all this loop-de-lupron will be for nothing.

It’s pretty shameful that I’m not even worried about whether or not we’ll get our BFP because I’m too worried we won’t even get a shot at finishing the cycle.

This whole thing sure does a number on you.

I remember ‘trying’ like it was this carefree, slightly naughty thing we did without telling anyone. It was way too soon in our relationship to have thrown caution to the wind. And when I looked at those early HPTs I really expected to see two lines. I’d shake them like a polaroid picture thinking the second line was just taking it’s time to ‘develop’. And then, oh well, next month. Hee hee – back to the secret naughty.

Somewhere along the line, after the opk’s, the preliminary appointments, the perfectly timed ‘romantic weekends’, the ‘just relaxing’ turned into relax my ass. I am broken. I am a broken woman. (Currently a quite bloated – rather moody, glassy-eyed maniac broken woman). WTF?

Now I’m a whiney blogger too.

ARRGHH! I miss the secret naughty.

I wonder if the people who got pregnant right away are secretly jealous of the injections? No?

The only thing that keeps me hopeful that the baseline will go okay is if the cycle goes away then I never get to make the jump from one needle a day to three. And I’m pretty sure there’s no way the universe would let me miss out on that!

2 sleeps to baseline! then 2 weeks (give or take) till ER.

Please let this work. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of hormoaning. I’m tired of being the one in the room everyone has to change the subject around. I’m tired of Lupron induced insomnia.

Beh. I’m tired.

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3 Comments

Filed under infertility, ivf

3 responses to “PMMS – pre (menstral/menopausal) syndrome

  1. myrtlesnotsofertile

    I feel like this month I have put the Loop in Lupron, too! Our schedules are close, my baseline is Fri. Good luck!

  2. baseline tomorrow??
    Hope you can get to stimming soon- the injections suck but it will feel like progress, I promise. Hang in there and thank you for sharing such clever writing. Even though I know you are going through a hard time and it makes me feel guilty for even saying this, your writing always makes me smile. 1 more sleep.

  3. Good luck with your baseline today! As Kate said, I hope you’re able to start stimming soon. It’s not a total silver bullet (my husband is still keeping a wide berth around me as I’m prone to the occasional head-spinning routine), but it makes things significantly better. I’ll check back to see how things go.

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